I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
In other news, I just burned my penis
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize