Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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