Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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