no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
