I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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