i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
