I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
