I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize