Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
