My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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