I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
