i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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