i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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