Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
