i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
