There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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