i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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