well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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