i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
