I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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