I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize