I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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