my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
