isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
