You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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