I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize