god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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