Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
