i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
