I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
