totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
