just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
