I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
