You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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