It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if i can run in heels then i can drive
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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