remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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