My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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