She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
