2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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