I can text with my tongue
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
