I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
