Got a toothbrush?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
