Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
