We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize