I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
