Already got asked if we're dating
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
