Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
