I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
