I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i will never coherently bang her
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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