We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize