All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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