Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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