I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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