we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
