he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
