If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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