I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
