WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
