They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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