did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
