I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
