2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
